Hi Virtual World!
This means more to all of you now than it ever did before. We are legit living in a world that is trying to do everything remotely. Everyone is now feeling a fraction of what patients feel throughout their treatments. This is not meant to only include cancer patients, but any patient that is immunocompromised. So how does what's going on in the world make me feel? I'll tell you a brief summary of what my initial thoughts are.
So many people are literally LOSING THEIR SHIT over this pandemic. Yes, things are scary. Yes, it is a virus which means it has to run its course. Yes, you are being inconvenienced with the change in your routine. Yes, people have lost their source of income. These are very REAL things happening to REAL people, but what else do all of these things have in common? THEY ARE NOT IN YOUR CONTROL. We are living in a world that is being dictated by COVID-19. Does that suck? Absolutely! But what is more important? How much it sucks or that we protect humans? I'm going to take a guess and assume that the latter is what you chose.
If you're a good human like I hope you are, you know that the world does not revolve around you. We share this planet with each other which means we should be kind to one another. Instead of asking WHY retailers are limiting the specific amount of certain items we buy, ask WHY they had to do that in the first place. We are not living in a zombie apocalypse. We have electricity which means internet. We have water. This is not hurricane preparation. It is simply a preparation to be at home for an extended amount of time with all your basic and FIRST WORLD needs readily available. Emptying out a shelf so that you can have an exuberant amount of cleaning products that you'll never get to during this time, is not being a good human. Leave some on that shelf so that your neighbor can also protect themselves from the elements that are not in our control.
Our government has stepped in to mandate us to STAY HOME unless we are a part of an "essential" industry. What does this mean? It means you can still go to the store for groceries. You do not have to live in an under ground bunker scared for your life because we are at war. Be smart, and plan your grocery list for 2 weeks to limit your exposure to the elements. If you're comfortable doing so, order take out (preferably from small businesses), but be sure to take measures to protect yourself when handling items that came from outside the home. Below is a quick video with tips on how to do that.
Let's talk about how this pandemic directly affects my thought process. I had cancer last year. Did that suck? It was cumbersome. I know you all think I'm crazy that it seems as though cancer didn't affect me as greatly as one would assume. Well to be honest, it did. It was just in a different way. I'm already a very low key person. It takes a lot to ruffle these feathers and it all comes down to what I CAN CONTROL. Cancer was out of my hands, but how I dealt with it was completely in my control. I chose to continue keeping a regular routine. Did I take certain measures to be sure I was not putting myself at risk of infection? Absolutely! I did what I needed to protect myself in public, but can you imagine having to protect yourself from your own children? I had to protect myself from my kids that attended school with dozens of people and more specifically children with terrible hand hygiene. You pandemic panickers have it SO good. You can be a normal family INSIDE your home. You can play with one another, give hugs and kisses, and have a family style dinner/hot pot without worrying that a virus will put you in the hospital.
Obviously, if you are a part of the vulnerable population and someone in your house is a carrier of COVID-19, you should be protecting yourself the same way I did. The best tip I have is pretend you do have it and you don't want to give it to others. A lot of you are single with nothing to do since your circle of friends is what usually occupies your free time. A lot of you are extroverts like myself and just need human interaction. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND, but that does not mean that you put YOURSELF over the safety of others. Many of your friends or even you probably have parents over the age of 60. Would you want your parents to potentially be infected and have to be hospitalized? Staying home is about reducing the amount of people that get infected which in turn will reduce the number of infected that overload our medical system. If our medical system is overloaded, people are not getting the best care they can get because there will likely be a shortage of necessary supplies. Can you imagine being an a place that is supposed to help heal, but you are suffering because there just isn't enough to go around? Sounds terrifying doesn't it? What can you control to help the situation? You can change your life TEMPORARILY and stay home. Remember all of this is TEMPORARY and the quicker we can comply, the quicker this will all be over.
change your life TEMPORARILY
Moving on, I had a light bulb moment that I could be a part of the vulnerable. The reason this came to mind was that my skin is still not healing at a regular rate. After my last surgery, I had a reaction to the large amount of steri tape that was on my abdomen. I broke out in a rash for 3 weeks. This was not your ordinary rash either. It felt like what I imagine chicken pox and poison ivy feel like. It was constantly itchy and would be that unbearable kind of itch. Needless to say, that part is finally over with the help of hydro cortisone and Aquaphor ointment. Once I figured out that I may be a part of the population at risk, I immediately contacted my oncology office and asked. They responded promptly that my ability to fight infection should be back to normal, but that they recommend I work from home if I'm able. They gave me an official letter which I have not showed to my employer as he is not on the same page as I am regarding the severity of the pandemic. I'm fortunate enough to work in an office alone where I can isolate myself from the general public and simply sanitize the most touched surfaces. However, I am praying for current cancer and immunocompromised patients dealing with this pandemic. I think I would go on total lock down myself and do grocery delivery so that I can control how items are entering my home. I can't imagine being where I was a year ago in today's world. If any of you need anything, please send me a message here, and I will do my best to get you those items to you. I can't make miracles happen, but I sure can try to utilize my network to try.
I'm thankful for cancer in so many ways. It has created better sanitation habits within my own household. The family just has better practices because of cancer. They may seem excessive to the average person, but who is more prepared now? We didn't have to buy cleaning supplies when things hit the fan because we were already stocked. We have plenty of soap, Clorox wipes, and hand sanitizer (though some are expired). Shout out to all of Addison's friends that gave hand sanitizer as party favors! Back to the topic, cancer has given me a restart on old friendships. Cancer has brought more awareness to my circle of friends that we are not invincible and time making memories together is more important than ever. Cancer has helped some of my friends cope with their own problems and focus on their health. Thank you, cancer, for all of these silver linings. I will do my best to continue to pay it forward in hopes to help someone else along the way.
With that being said, I'm proud to be working on #ProjectSparkle. This is an initiative to show gratitude for those that CANNOT stay at home. These include but are not limited to nurses, physicians, phlembotomists, radiology techs, banking employees, mail carrier services, grocer employees, and many more that keep the essentials in order. I have rounded up 60 sponsored gifts so far for these deserving individuals and have partnered with 2 wonderful health care professionals working at different hospitals in the Med Center to deliver them directly to the Covid-19 units. It has been so rewarding seeing everyone in my network come together to uplift these heroes that are facing some of the most difficult times in their careers.
I'm thankful to celebrate my Cancerversary ALIVE
I'm thankful to celebrate my Cancerversary ALIVE. To think a little over a year ago, I was preparing for the possibility of death. I was thinking about how I could prepare my family in case things went south. I was voluntarily poisoning my body to give it a chance for survival. Now, I'm watching things around me slowly return to equilibrium. By no means would I consider things "normal," but they are working their way in that direction. Like I always say, baby steps are significant as long as they are going in the right direction. I've learned to be patient with the process because in reality, I can't control how well my scars heal. I have to remind myself to not spend so much energy focusing on what is still wrong. This has proved to be the most challenging task as I am so critical of myself.
The first 2 photos were taken on March 6, 2020 while my skin along the ends of my abdominal incisions were still inflamed. The last 2 photos were taken April 26 just when my the itchiness subsided, but the incision on my right breast started to do the same thing. Fast forward to May, I've been told by my oncologist and dermatologist that it is actually a common side effect of healing. The scar tissue underneath can cause this kind of irritation. The dermatologist gave me samples of a stronger topical steroid in case it gets too uncomfortable and my hydrocortisone/Aquaphor combo become ineffective. Looking at these photos makes me hate my new belly button, but that's what one piece bathing suits are for. 😄 Though I may not like looking at these photos, I know there are current patients and friends that will find them valuable. It is the unedited ugly truth to the process that I wouldn't wish on anyone, BUT IT IS SOMETHING THAT WE CAN OVERCOME. Nothing I have endured so far has defeated me. Nothing that cancer has thrown at me has changed my outlook on life. Mental health through any trails and tribulations of living is SO important. If you feel that you are struggling or feel defeated, please reach out to get help. Whether it starts by saying the dark thoughts in your head out loud to your closest friend or privately consulting a therapist/psychologist, take the first step (even a premie sized baby step) in the right direction. There are always people willing to be a support system for you. *Raises hand* Everyone's support system looks different so please don't focus on comparing yours to others. Building or utilizing the support you have when you need it most is key. Please don't let your pride allow you to be defeated by life because I promise it is much better when you can heal yourself from the inside.
don't let your pride allow you to be defeated by life
I want to end this post that has literally taken me over 2 months to write with a sincere thanks for anyone that has followed me along the way. Though I may have no evidence of disease in my body now, there is still evidence of what the disease has done. My posts will continue to fluctuate in frequency as life is returning to equilibrium. As I prepare for my next out patient reconstruction surgery next Wednesday, I want to send a special thanks to our HEALTH HEROES! Without you all, my journey through cancer and through my medical history in general would have been much more depressing. Every single phlebotomist, radiology tech, nurse, health admin, and physician has helped ease the nerves and just treated me like a normal human. Thank you all for having regular conversations with me that draw the focus away from what's going on. For everyone that is starting to slowly venture out in their cities, please keep your guard up and think about the immunocompromised population. They have family/care takers that NEED to be out in the public to bring things back for them. Be a good human and practice appropriate social distancing and wear a mask. Yes, it is your choice to wear one, but why not CHOOSE to protect others that are unable to protect themselves. CHOOSE to do a small part to reduce the contagion. CHOOSE to be slightly inconvenienced because it may actually SAVE A LIFE. It could save my life. Take care of yourselves and stay well! Until next time, Virtual World!
P.S. I have to share this gallery of photos we had taken by Jah Mitchell Photography. These were shot the last day restaurants in the city had dine in service, March 16, and during prime bluebonnet season in the great state of Texas.
