Hello Virtual World!
I want to start by saying I am happy that we have closed the chemotherapy chapter. In my mind, I thought that I would get instant relief. I thought that there would be instant relief from not having to go to my oncologist weekly. I hoped that some of the annoying symptoms would dissipate with time. We are now three weeks post chemo and I am still feeling frequently fatigued and still feeling swollen in my lower extremities. My doctors have said that these things are all normal. I think I need to put into perspective that I was pumping my body full of poison over the last five months. Maybe I shouldn't expect my body to just forget the cancer despite the positive imaging I did after treatment ended? The doctors appointments have not stopped although my weekly visits to the oncologist have. I have had to meet with both my breast surgeon and plastic surgeon for my pre-operation appointments and there have been a couple of "revelations" at those appointments.
Maybe I shouldn't expect my body to just forget the cancer...
Revelation numero uno is finding out what a this lymph node biopsy before surgery actually was. I guess because every doctor I have spoken to speaks of this procedure as if it is no big deal. I mean I have had 2 other lymph node biopsies when I did the initial diagnostic testing. I had both a fine needle aspiration and a core biopsy done on my lymph node. Therefore, my assumption was this would be similar maybe moderately more invasive than those. Come to find out, this is a legit outpatient procedure. Here is what I found on a general google search for "Sentinel lymph node biopsy."
Sentinel node biopsy is a surgical procedure used to determine whether cancer has spread beyond a primary tumor into your lymphatic system. It's used most commonly in evaluating breast cancer and melanoma. The sentinel nodes are the first few lymph nodes into which a tumor drains. To identify the sentinel lymph node(s), the surgeon injects a radioactive substance, blue dye, or both near the tumor. The surgeon then uses a probe to find the sentinel lymph node(s) containing the radioactive substance or looks for the lymph node(s) stained with dye.
Uhhhhhhh W...T...F?!? This by the way was totally my fault for not paying attention to the name of this particular biopsy. I could have googled this much sooner than my pre-op appointment with my breast surgeon. It was during this pre-op appointment when I found out that this was an actual surgical procedure and I found out what the possible side effect could be. Are you ready for it??? The possible side effect is a PERMANENT swollen arm. Yeah, you read that correctly. I could be walking around with a corn dog arm and never able to wear short sleeves again. 🤦♀️ Although the risk is at a low 5%, it is a risk nonetheless. So remember when I asked for prayers/positive vibes for a negative lymph node biopsy? If you would be so kind to go ahead and add "no corn dog arm for Christie" to that mix.
...makes me realize how vulnerable I am while on the operating table
Revelation numero dos is how many possible ways I could die due to surgery. Signing a couple dozen pages of consent forms makes me realize how vulnerable I am while on the operating table. I know that all surgeries have risks, but having to read these risks thoroughly and finding out about 25 different ways I could die can make one a bit uneasy. This whole time my focus has been on post surgical recovery, but I'm starting to think that maybe I should be a little concerned about the actual procedures I will be undergoing. Before I was officially diagnosed, a friend of mine drew a will, power of attorneys, and medical directives for me. I cannot stress how important it is to have at list a written will and to list beneficiaries on your bank accounts. These items are not just for people that see death in the near future. These two items are for anyone out there. The hassle for your survivors if these things aren't in place disrupts the grieving process and can often times place the financial burden on your survivors. Thankfully, I obtained life insurance coverage before my diagnosis. With all of these things in place, I feel at ease going into these upcoming surgeries.
Post surgical recovery is going to be rough. There is no getting around it. My daily baths with my beautiful girls will have to be put on pause for a while. Worst of all, I won't be able to hold, embrace, and just play with them as I would normally. I will have to limit my range of motion to that of a tyrannosaurus rex. Luckily for me, I LOVE DINOSAURS. I may just have to wear one of my three T-Rex shirts to really channel my new existence. I am told I will have quite a few drains on my body. These drains look like plastic hand grenades attached to aquarium tubing. They will continually be drawing fluids away from my surgical areas and I will have to monitor their output volume very closely. The idea of the drains gross me the hell out and I am not usually one that gets easily grossed out. I need to remind myself that the drains are my friend and they are helping reduce infection. Enough about the morbid and discouraging information. Let's get to some of the good things that have happened post chemotherapy!
I RANG THE BELL!!! 🎶 Queue Anita Ward- Ring My Bell 🎶 I rang a bell both at my oncology office and on my favorite local morning radio show, The Roula and Ryan Morning Show.
I researched what the bell ringing signified and when it was appropriate to ring the bell before my last infusion. My initial impression is that it signifies being cancer free, but how could I ring that when pathology has yet to confirm this. I had only finished one of the major parts of my treatment. So come to find out it, the bell ringing signifies an end of a chapter. For some, it is the last radiation treatment. For others, it is the end of chemotherapy. I apologize in advance for the patients that will never have the opportunity to ring a bell because they must live with cancer for the remainder of their lives. I am thankful that modern medicine allows a lot of Stage 4 patients to live normal lives with less invasive treatments that keeps their cancer controlled. Hearing more success stories of patients living with cancer happily makes me optimistic that I could be okay if a recurrence were to occur. For those of you that would like to hear my short segment on the radio. Please visit
http://www.krbe.com/thebestofroularyan/ and scroll down to August 13, the 8AM podcast.
Other jovial events were my dinner after my last infusion and "Breaking Up with Cancer Party." The most important people in my life came together to celebrate the end of an era. Even though we don't official know that I will be cancer free, the positive energy I am/was surrounded by cannot be a bad thing. Thank you all for being my rocks throughout this journey. Thank you for being able to laugh with me about how ridiculous cancer is and for embracing my use of the "Cancer Card." I know it has not been easy for you all to deal with. As crazy as it sounds, it may have been even more difficult for you all than me. Life is full of unexpected things, we just need to find a way to make it through and build something stronger from the hardships. You all have welcomed me into my 34th year of existence and I hope this is the year I can say, "I Kicked Cancer's Ass."
In closing, I wanted to tell you all that tomorrow is the big day for surgery #1, the sentinel lymph node biopsy. I did all of my pre-registration and pre-op testing today. The hospital sent me home with a volumetric exerciser and some special body wash with sponges. It's required for me to wash my body with this body wash, use a fresh towel, sleep on fresh sheets, and wear fresh pajamas. Tomorrow morning, I repeat this process before leaving home. This is supposed to help remove any microbial bacteria that could put me at risk of infection. I was also instructed to practice a breathing technique with my exerciser since I wasn't hitting my expected measurement there. If you don't want to Google it, it is a device that you do breathing exercises with that ultimately helps reduce your risk of pneumonia after surgery. Doing these exercises tonight made me realize how weak my body has become over the last few months. On top of that, I have some sinus pressure and drainage happening at the moment. It doesn't appear to be an infection, but has drained my energy the last couple of days. The husband is also suffering from some sort of illness I have been avoiding. Despite these annoyances, I am mentally gearing up for surgery tomorrow and preparing to be hungry since I have to fast beginning at midnight. May the force be with me tomorrow and may the pathology results be in our favor. *Fingers Crossed* Goodnight, world! I'll be dreaming of a cheeseburger. Lol.