Hi Loyal Friends, Family, and Followers!
Well technically, it has passed but I wanted to tell you about the celebration. I'm coming to you today in a more jovial mood. Reason numero UNO for my happiness is that I had my first summer vacation. I have not taken a break from the office since the beginning of March and it felt amazing to have a change of scenery. I'm used to travelling between 4-6 times a year whether they are short weekend trips or long journeys across oceans, I prefer to change my scenery often. Experiencing different places, cuisines, and just making new memories is what I desire most outside of my family life, but I am grateful to have shared this trip with my family and extended family.
The second reason for my happiness is that we are celebrating the first year of me being CANCER FREE. Aug 12 marked a year since my last chemotherapy session, a year since chemo killed every cancer cell in my body, and a year since I rang that freedom bell. Thinking back, it does not seem like that long ago. I still remember the taste of the saline flush before I started each session. I still remember the strong smell of rubbing alcohol as they cleaned my port area in a circular motion. I can still feel that prick as they accessed my port. I wouldn't classify these as negative memories, but rather they are reminders of the process. These things are reminders of what so many patients are still going through and a reminder of how blessed I am to have those be things of the past.
we are celebrating the first year of me being CANCER FREE
🥰 Pics above are my C is for Christie Crew in Destin on my actual Cancerversary! 🥰
You may be wondering, what else goes through my mind after achieving such the first of these huge milestones? My initial thought is that I am 20% away from my goal. If you remember early on in my diagnosis, my doctors told me that I wouldn't officially be in the clear until after the 5 year mark. This meant that based on historical data, my type of cancer is likely to not come back to visit if I make it 5 years without a recurrence. I am not the type to count my ducks before they've hatched. So although it is amazing that I have no indications of active cancer in my body, I cannot assume that it won't pay a visit in the future. I think being a patient and really going through it makes you a skeptic. Although once I found out I had Lynch Syndrome, I felt that it was only a matter of time before that mutation resulted in cancer. By no means did I want to have cancer, but accepting that it could happen motivated me to stay on top of my appointments. Having the knowledge that I am at higher risk has proved to be so valuable in the grand scheme of things. Without that knowledge, I would have just procrastinated like any other young adult would about their health. Youth makes you feel invincible. Even as we get older, so many of my friends and family continually put their health on the back burner. As the responsibilities pile on, we forget about taking care of ourselves. We prioritize everything and everyone else not realizing that without our own health, we wouldn't be able to take care of our loved ones like we do.
Early diagnosis is what saves lives. It is what saved my life.
Imagine if I wasn't on top of my health. At the rate that my tumor was growing, it would have for sure reached my lymph nodes and opened of the possibility of spread throughout different parts of my body. Even discovering it a few weeks later, would have yielded a totally different treatment plan that would have been more aggressive. I've said this many times in the past to you all, but I can't help sending you guys a reminder. Do not live in fear of the "what ifs." Thinking of the possibilities of what could happen to you will put you in a terrible mental state and give you anxiety beyond measure. Do not avoid your annual well women exams or physicals because often times those simple check ups can uncover something abnormal early on. Ladies, do your self check breast examinations ONCE A MONTH. Set an alarm or a calendar reminder, and touch those TaTas. Lol. I admit that I never did self checks, but I strongly encourage you all to do them and report any strange bumps to your OB right away so they can determine whether further investigation is necessary. Early diagnosis is what saves lives. It is what saved my life.
As a matter of fact, I'm gearing up for my next colonoscopy. SUPER FUN!!! Hahahah, I find that people have such a terrible idea about the procedure. I look at it like a cleanse. For those of you that would like a brief recap about a colonoscopy, here it is. 4 days before your procedure, they recommend you stop eating beans, nuts, and seeds as it will provide the doctor with a clearer result. The day before your procedure, you go on a clear liquid diet with the exception of regular Ensure. I'm not sure why Ensure is okay, but it is what helps me push through my hunger. You also want to steer away from items that are red or purple. You can have jello, clear soup broths, Gatorade, and Ensure all the way up until you do round 1 of the bowel prep liquid. The brand I've found to be the easiest to drink is Suprep. It tastes kind of like a metallic cough syrup, but it is the smallest volume of fluid you have to drink. The cup is basically a pint of beer and it's not carbonated. You have to finish the cup and drink 2 more pints within the hour. Then comes the fun part, waiting for your bowels to flush. BE SURE TO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME. I promise you won't make it if you decide to go out for an errand. Your bowels will clean out with minimal cramping. It literally feels like you're peeing out of your butt. It happens just a few times and then you're done for the night. Your body does not continue to purge during the night so you will be able to sleep. You'll do the same process again the morning before your procedure. My procedures have been under general anesthesia so the next thing you realize is that you're in the recovery room and you're gassy. Just like that, it's all over and they will be able to send any findings to pathology to review for cancerous cells. Colon cancer is a scary one if not caught early. By the time it begins to affect your daily life, it's pretty advance. Ask your doctors if a less invasive pre-screening option is available. I hear there is something that you can poop on and send into the lab. 🤷♀️ Counting my blessings today since my colonoscopy results came back clean with no indicators of pre-cancerous/cancerous cells.
Moving on to the next topic, I celebrated my birthday this month as well! Although Covid has significantly reduced my usual celebrations, I still was able to have a delicious evening with my favorite, a Thanksgiving spread. Food is definitely the way to my heart along with the company of the best friends a girl could ask for.
Celebrating my birthday was a reminder that we can't count on birthdays always coming. How morbid does that sound?! I know too well, even before cancer, that life is not guaranteed from year to year or even day to day. How many of you have lost a loved one over night? How many of you have had a loved one have a near death experience? I'm hearing about more and more adults in their 30s and 40s having heart attacks and strokes. It's scary to think that while you're in the middle of starting/raising a family, your life could be rattled by something that we think only happens to "old people." It really goes to show that health is wealth. At the beginning of my diagnosis, I felt so much guilt that I could leave Jimmy widowed. Even though I know that my family would rally together to help him pick up the pieces, it still breaks my heart just thinking of the possibility. Reflecting on things now and on the past 1.5 years, I still live my life with the possibility that cancer could return. I think people want me to not consider the possibility because it is negative or maybe because they think it will manifest itself into reality. However, the reality of it is, I NEED to talk about it because I NEED to prepare for the worst. I find myself constantly wanting to complete things on my to do list. These items range from completing household projects, paying off any outstanding debt, not wanting to acquire new debt, and finding ways to save more money all while still enjoying what we can make of life. I find myself not wanting to put things off. Typing this out now is making me realize that these actions have a deeper subconscious meaning. It is me trying to tie up loose ends for the "just in case." Nonetheless, birthdays are still a cause for celebration and my tummy was happily fed throughout the month.
I still live my life with the possibility that cancer could return
Can you believe that you all have been on this journey with me for 1.5 years now!?! First of all, I can't believe there are still people interested in what's going on in my life. Hahah. I am truly grateful for the virtual and physical support each of you have offered me. It has helped me not feel like I'm alone and that my time spent blogging goes unnoticed. Secondly, I can't believe that the journey still isn't over. I didn't come into this with expectations for a timeline and we surely didn't expect things to be interrupted by a pandemic, but I'm thankful for the speed we have been moving at. The beginning was extremely fast paced, chemotherapy was on a consistent schedule, and work continued as usual. Surgeries have been successful up to this point, but need to be spaced out long enough for me to heal before going under again. Life at the moment seems pretty "normal." The pandemic has taught me to find things to enjoy at home and without spending money. I've begun to dibble dabble in disaster relief again with my girl, Chewree. She is a fierce spirit with her own mountain of obstacles, but we also share the desire to help people through their hardships. It fills our hearts and souls and has allowed us to continue to have faith in humanity. It has allowed us to draw our focus away from the world's negativity and channel our passion for a greater good. For me, it could be simply talking someone through their panic attack or letting someone speak through their anxiety. Friends and family reaching out to me looking for help, answers to their questions, or just being able to lean on me is truly an honor. If you ever find yourself struggling and need someone to help, please do not hesitate reaching out. Even if I'm not a part of your daily life, I can be someone to call on. I will do my best to help you within my means. To those of you fighting your own battles, remember that any progress is still progress. Don't beat yourself over things not happening as quickly or exactly as you planned.
So what's next to expect? In a little over a weeks time, I have my laparoscopic partial hysterectomy scheduled. I'm not really sure what feelings I have going into it, but I'm sure I'll begin to feel somethings soon. Right now I'm focused on getting through virtual school with Addison, losing as much weight before the procedure, enjoying the time I have left before surgery and restrictions begin, and celebrating Addison's upcoming birthday this weekend. I'm going to try to check back in before next week's surgery with the feels I catch. Love you all and have a wonderful week!!!
P.S. Here are some of my favorite pics from my Coronacation/Cancerversary/Birthday Trip in Destin. Photo Credit: Desiree Gardner Photography
